Via Cheesefairy and Schmutzie, I came across Reverb 10: a series of prompts that to frame the year past and envision the year to come. This lines up nicely with some other homework I’m doing for Mama Renew, where we’re encouraged to stop for long enough to see where we are. The buzz of the daily grind can fill our ears and mean we forget to think.

So.

December 1 – One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

 

2010 – Healing.

I entered 2010 thirty sorts of fucked up: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Having landed where we are, after a bunch of difficult years, I fell to pieces in the space and the quiet and the pause in the stress.

I was loaded with anxiety, randomly floating, attaching to the most hard to prove whisper of doubt. (youleftthe stove on). Anxiety is an acid that corrodes at your substance. I was loaded with fear and shame, randomly floating, attaching to any strong opinion I’d ever had. (you claimed it was the bestband evar). Shame is a lock on your ability to communicate.

Over the year, I’ve been working on putting my pieces back together.

I’m not sure whether the work I’ve been doing has really helped, or just kept me busy so that I’ve healed with time. But I’m back to having hope and days worth waking up for.

I’ve also finally gotten my butt to the doctor for good ole fashioned physical healing. I learned my chronic Achilles tendon injury is easily dealt with: it’s my Achilles bursa, and if troubled, a smear of non-steroidal anti-inflammatory cuts that shit out. That’s an easy fix. I learned I don’t have asthma but I do have low iron, and that’s an easy fix. I learned that indeed, migraines can present mainly as pressure around the eyes, and that there are fixes for that too.

So. Healing. Bravo, 2010. Thank you.

2011 – Curiouser

I am supposed to be writing my (3 month) intentions for life in Mama Renew. And I will. But one of the things that I’ve learned in healing is that you don’t push too fast or you undo the healing. Everything must be gently done, placed like  fresh-weak steps after the fever breaks. You laugh when you wobble and need to sit again. You go with what comes.

So 2011 is me going gently to the future. We’re in a pretty good place right now. So. I want to put down the immunity fight, the striving out, the exhausting war of direction. Instead I want to step into the year curiously, cautiously, opening all the lids and peeking around every corner. Finding my life in the little spaces.