{"id":87614055,"date":"2006-05-13T20:28:24","date_gmt":"2006-05-14T12:28:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/?p=87614055"},"modified":"2008-08-08T15:25:57","modified_gmt":"2008-08-08T22:25:57","slug":"saw-a-technical-marketing-video-in-2001-and-my-brain-popped","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/?p=87614055","title":{"rendered":"Saw a technical marketing video in 2001, and my brain popped."},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ll have to see if I can find the video I’m talking out in this repost from our YahooGroup in December of 2001…<\/em>
\n[Edit: Yep. Here it is<\/a>.\ufffd Requires IE, or at least something more like IE than Firefox.]<\/p>\n

Hebbo one and all.<\/p>\n

Okay, maybe Frank didn’t like this, but I thought it was hilarious. Ten minutes of solid marketing spew, most likely designed by people who can’t use the photocopier down the hall, and have blown up entire lunch-rooms trying to make coffee in the toaster oven.<\/p>\n

But what do I know? I’m from Chilliwack. When you’ve been starin’ at corn for twelve years, just about everything’s funny. Except for the last 1\/2 hour of SNL.<\/p>\n

Oh yeah, the PR thing.<\/p>\n

I’d like to see a “Part II” of this marketing thing (or maybe just a re-edit) with the Masai guy hucking a spear through the tree-powered display screen and having the yuppies in the sushi bar gettin’ kabobbed.<\/p>\n

It was like all of the “future tech” junk in every Arnold Ham’n’egger film from Terminator through Sixth Day being spliced into a 10-minute PR bomb. Here’s what the future looks like! Don’t need it? Didn’t want it? Never use it in a million years? We’ve got it! (Maybe. After Sony makes one. It’s our idea though.)<\/p>\n

Finally: glass doors I can walk *through* without them having to open, or maybe they were just logo-displaying goo, or soap bubbles. Either way, how do you know which ones you’re allowed to walk through? “And if you’ll follow me, over here we have the g-*BANG!* Oh! I ting I bwoke by doze!”<\/p>\n

And another thing: Where’d the mice go? Apparently, LG doesn’t make mice. Maybe they make invisible mice that look like cheese sandwiches, ’cause that’s so futuristic.<\/p>\n

They do, however appear to make games that have the following handy-dandy keyboard controls:<\/p>\n

ASDF – (turn left, in varying degrees)
\nJKL; – (turn right, in varying degrees)
\nSpacebar – Lose suddenly, without reason.
\nShift-Spacebar – Win suddenly, without reason.
\nCtrl-Alt-Space-Underscore-Backspace – Cause hunks of raw perch to spew out of a tree somewhere in Uganda.<\/p>\n

I don’t wanna think about what this “game” would look like.<\/p>\n

Maybe it’s called “Wobbly Jello Bike Passenger Shake Off Panic” or something. In Japan, it’ll be known simply as “Pocky Game for Short Men,” and become a HUGE hit, just to confuse marketing people in the West.<\/p>\n

Oh yeah, with the even *more* handy-dandy auto-gloat-cam, built right into the game console.<\/p>\n

Oh yeah, and another *other* thing: If I’m playing a game against some poor schmo on another continent, and my mom’s face pops up in the middle of the game to talk to me, do I get to yell at my mom for seriously hampering my ping time? If I get gibbed ’cause some telemarketer really really REALLY wants to sell me a subscription to TheProvince.Com, I’m gonna send ’em some cat sand in my snazzy new FAXeleporter.<\/p>\n

And what was up with that guy hugging the kid on the stoop in GenericThirdWorldica? Get OFF me, ya weirdo. No I *don’t* wanna look at what your watch can do. No I don’t wanna talk to your plastic daughter. I’m hungry, give me your freeze-dried perch-on-a-spear-flavoured PowerBar, or I’m gonna pour hot coffee into your watch and scald your mother-in-law.<\/p>\n

All walls everywhere are uniformly white and light up. How convenient. Thank goodness there’s no messy windows or art or doors anywhere. Simplifies interior decoration quite a bit, doesn’t it? What does Feng Shui have to say about this?<\/p>\n

Let’s hear it for LG for thinking up a stainless steel bubble that attached to a pole like some sorta fireman’s speed-bump thing, and it holds everything you’d want in a kitchen, as long as everything you want in a kitchen consists of a single bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil.<\/p>\n

Maybe some time in the future, I’ll be running around with a wet towel wrapped around my head, and I’ll need something self-guiding that I can stick up my nose to get the tracking unit out, and LG will be there.<\/p>\n

Or maybe I’ll just end up poking my brains out with it the nose-track-unit-remover ’cause LG had to put a fifteen-foot antennae on the end of it so my financial advisor could interrupt me in the middle of the procedure to tell me I need broken nose insurance.<\/p>\n

Thanks Sean,
\nI needed that.<\/p>\n

Zen (I don’t need a picture frame that’s *actually* a two way camera next to MY bed) Render<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ll have to see if I can find the video I’m talking out in this repost from our YahooGroup in December of 2001… [Edit: Yep. Here it is.\ufffd Requires IE, or at least something more like IE than Firefox.] Hebbo one and all. Okay, maybe Frank didn’t like this, but I thought it was hilarious. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-87614055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","category-people"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87614055","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=87614055"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87614055\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":87614242,"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87614055\/revisions\/87614242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=87614055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=87614055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.geckotemple.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=87614055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}