I have decided to make a million dollars writing screenplays. Check it out:
Scene: The Oval Office.
General:Mister President, something’s happening. There are giant ham sandwiches falling to Earth.
President: (Visibly Shaken) Good God! How can we save ourselves and make sure the whole world knows of our American superiority?
General: I don’t know. The combined American armies can do nothing. We’d call in the SAS and the Mossad, but we never do in blockbuster movies,on account of they’re limey bastards and Jews.
President: Only one man can save us. Call Rod Von Hugenstein.
Scene: Rod Von Hugenstein’summer place in Nice.
Phone: >Brrring!< Rod: Hello.
President: Rod, giant ham sandwiches are falling to earth. You have to save us.
Rod: Of course, Mr. President. Let me get back to you. I have Swedish triplets here just now.
Swedish Triplets:(giggle) Ja! Ve are haffing fun, Ja?
Phone in the Oval Office: >Brring!< President: Rod?
Rod: I have an idea. We’re going to incinerate them in space using a giant laser from MIT.
President:Okay. What do you need?
Rod: I’m going to need a commando force because we’ll have to storm into the building in an impressive manner. Some Airborne guys. With huge biceps. Make sure they have camoflage face paint.
President: Okay. What else?
Rod: A sexy brunette rocket scientist.
Scene: Some big laser lab at MIT
Sexy Rocket Scientist slinks in.
Sexy Rocket Scientist: I don’tundersztand why you can’t just shoot some of them out of the sky. They could be a valuable food resource for starving people around the world. I’m Doctor Brandi Natchez, by the way.
Rod: I don’t have time to fool around!We NEED to completely incinerate those sandwiches! They are not American-made sandwiches. It would be irresponsible to end world hunger with them!
Dr. Brandi: Okay.I kind of see what you mean. However, I would like to point out that despite my extremely sciencey background and long years of Grad school,I am still tremendosly sexy in a totally Hollywood-conventional way. In fact,I might be played by Salma Hayek.
Rod: I know, Baby Doll. Now let’s go get those lasers!
Rod fires the lasers. Giant fireworks in space. The sandwiches are incinerated and American superiority is maintained. He grabs Dr.Brandi for a romantic smooch.
Scene: Oval Office
President: Thanks, Rod.
Rod: No problem. Now,if you’ll excuse me, I have Swedish triplets and a sexy doctor to attend to. Not that I don’t respect her mind. And shit.
President: By God, it’s great to be an American.