MonkeyPants

Holiday Mood Disorder.

Okay, so it turned December 1st and then I was crying at stupid things. Not sad crying, emotional That’s-So-Sweet crying. I can’t blame PMS, because that was last week, but so far this month I have cried at:

The monkeys in the Telus commercials

The Nintendo or Xbox or whatever game console ad I saw in the theatre last night

The bird on ‘Men In Trees’

The cat sleeping on the bed

A puppy learning to walk in the snow

Now, I’m beginning to think that there’s something wrong with me. I blame Holiday Mood Disorder, which I just made up. I have a theory, too.

It happens because multinational conglomerates have crop-dusted major metropolitan centres with Holiday Mood hormones, which make people so emotional over the holidays they are willing to abandon their Christmas budgets and spend, like, $50 on the mail carrier guy, because they just love him so much and everything. Actual loved ones can expect to get Louis Vuitton luggage sets or perhaps a new Mercedes. If everyone goes massively over budget, there will be more money pumped into the economy at a time when we really need it.

Think about it. I’m pretty sure I’m onto something here. Although sending Holiday Mood hormones into the atmosphere in major cities of North America (Don’t know about Europe, yet. I’ll have to ask) is a major expense, what with atomizers and renting planes and stuff, the rewards are well worth it. MasterCard and Visa can expect multi-billion dollar spikes in stuff charged to their companies, and, of course, will be accruing the reaped interest for a long time to come.

The funny thing is, I don’t really love Christmas that much. It’s a pressureized time where we are expected to feel goodwill towards our fellow humans, and I don’t like most of them much at the best of times. Perhaps this is why my Holiday Mood Disorder manifests around animals and Xbox geeks?

If you need to talk to me, I’ll be right here, crying at pictures of kittens.