Hillbilly Tim

Tim looks and sounds like everything you’ve ever heard about West Virginia. He drawls. He wears overalls. He has a riot of curly hair that will not comform to any known style. His eyes twinkle. He loves Bluegrass music more than any other form of music on the planet. Despite the fact that he’s an aerospace engineer or something like that, he simply oozes hillbilly. I imagine he has a suit for business meetings, but even if he wore a suit, I’d still see farm clothes.

He’s in town to visit just now and I will be seeing him later, getting him drunk in an effort to convince him to sing the Pig Song:

I got pigs

Home in a pen

Gonna feed ‘em uuuuup!

All I need’s

A purty little girl

To feed ‘em when I’m gone!

It works best with a banjo, but a capella is fine as well. I can’t wait!

Recipe for a Relaxed Christmas.

Combine over the 72 crucial festive hours:

Several hours at the local pub’s Christmas Eve get-together. Drink liberally and catch up with many old friends and acquaintances. Cheer Santa in at midnight and skulk in corners until any threat of carol-singing passes. Note: You must hear The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” at least once. This is key.

One huge Christmas breakfast, opening presents and freely gossiping about family members not present. Then, watch the cat play in the wrapping paper and boxes. Reflect that a real adult would clean up. Do not choose the path of real adulthood.

One liberated bottle of shiraz from upstairs neighbour. Will replace at earliest opportunity.

One Christmas dinner with everything, comsumed at leisure. Follow with an extended evening of listening to music and watching stupid videos.

One Boxing Day without shopping, but with seeing a new baby. Come home. Make buns, calzone, clean up a bit, and read on the couch with a glass of wine until a) book is finished, or b) too fatigued to read.

Note: One of the crucial elements in this relaxed Christmas is that you do not feel obligated to do anything that smacks of effort. That defeats the purpose.

Combine all elements together and stew for a while. Wake up on the 27th relaxed and ready for work.

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