Things On Bread.

So I stopped into the bakery to get a cheese bun earlier today. The bakery is part of a chain. I generally like to support the little guy, but the bakery was close at hand and I like their cheese buns. So.

I’m waiting my turn while the yuppie in front of me dithers between the Cranberry Dessert Log and the Apple Custard Teatime Loaf or whatever, and I notice a glossy stack of paper in front of the till. It enthuses, “Fresh Recipe Ideas!” and has a picture of some bread with tomatoes, bocconcini cheese , and basil leaves on it. I look at this photo and weep for humanity. This is a Fresh Recipe Idea? Putting things on bread?

Hey! News Flash! You can put things on bread!

Now, for your gastronomic edification, I’ve put together a rough guideline to help you navigate this amazing new Fresh Recipe Idea of putting things on bread.

Dairy Products: Some dairy products are good on bread. Good: Cheese and butter. Not so good: Milk, yoghurt, ice cream.

Meat: Lots of meat goes well on bread. Good: Cold cuts, leftover roast beef, bacon. Not so good: Any meat still alive, such as a pekingese or a goldfish. They might fit on the bread, but don’t be fooled by that. Live meat, aka animals, are not good on bread.

Oil: In many Mediterranean countiries, the people combine olive oil with a little salt or balsamic vinegar and dip bread in it. This is all to the good. However, be leery of wantonly using random oils on bread. Not-good-on-bread oils include motor oil, mineral oil, and kerosene.

Vegetables: Many vegetables are nice on bread. Tomatoes and lettuce come to mind, as do cucumbers, either pickled or not. The English even have a thing they call a ‘chip buttie’, which is basically a French fry sandwich. However, there are a number of vegetables that don’t work on bread. These include carrots, broccoli and squash. These are not bread-friendly vegetables.

Thank you for your time. I hope this helps you out in the bold new gastronomical Fresh Recipe Idea of putting things on bread.

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