“Intelligent Parenting Solutions”

This is the motto of one of the baby stores I was in today, trailing Gen (Due early July) and Emma (girlchild in snuggly) in their quest to find the best for their children. On sober reflection, I think a more honest slogan would be, “Give us all your money and credit cards so you can feel 100% confident that, having spent all your cash, you’ve made the best decision.”

I don’t know if the sign amused me or offended me more. Parents to be and new parents are sleep-deprived and in the grips of hormones as strong as anything a doctor or dealer will hand out. Their lives are changing in fundamental ways. They love their new children, whether inside or outside of the belly, with a fierceness I have never experienced.

Of course they want to make the best decisions for their children. They want to give their children every advantage in life, starting in vitro.

And so they walk into this bright, welcoming space full of things they suddenly feel compelled to purchase, because they want to make intelligent decisions about their choices in baby stuff. You can buy a baby bathtub for thirteen dollars somewhere else, but the intelligent choice is obviously going to be this $90 model, because it has a thermometer to get the temperature exactly right. You can use an oversized messenger bag for a diaper bag, but the solution to finding a large bag with lots of pockets is this $200 bag over here.

It is unfair for baby boutiques like this to deliberately play on their customers’ weaknesses.

On the other hand, if someone can’t figure out the temperature of bathwater by sticking their hand in it, they deserve to pay the ninety bucks.

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