Dad: Update

Well, my dad had an angiogram today and they found out that he’s going to have to have bypass surgery, but it’s not an emergency.

I am relieved that they found out what was up but scared about the idea of bypass surgery. Fat old dudes in offices get bypasses. Not my ultralight-flying, world-sailing, biked-to-work-for-30-years dad. Not my walked-around-Philly-last-spring-all-day dad.

When I talked to him he said jokingly that Carol was cooking up bacon and eggs with fried bread and lard. I jokingly told him he should probably follow it with an ounce of cocaine if he wanted to die quickly.

And when I hung up I sat on the bus and shuddered and cried a little, but not enough to make the bus strangers too uncomfortable.

The Boss Offensive: A New Plan.

Why are there so many bossy people who interrupt? I mean, I’m bossy, yes. But I don’t think I’m an interrupter. It’s so rude!

I do not mind advice. There are times when I will openly solicit it. But I am So. Very. Tired. of having to listen to people who have a bone-deep need to tell me what to do, and interrupt my response to tell me yet more of what to do!
For a long time, I weathered the bossy “You should”s in silence and then went and did my own thing. It was the easiest way. “You should go to Istanbul.” (Nice, but it’s not in my travel itinerary) “You should take some flax seed.” (Thanks, but it makes me gag) “You should make your bed this way.” (Thanks, but I am almost 35. I’ve found a way that suits by this late date.)
I blame myself for getting should-ed so often. For a lot of my life I have looked (to others) like a hothouse flower: Quiet, delicate, and easily bruised by the winds of fortune. Whether that was because of upbringing or nature, I don’t know. But I do know that I am not a hothouse flower, or anything of the like. I may, in fact, be a blackberry: resilient, tenacious and downright annoying. But far more useful than a hothouse flower.

Floral metaphors aside, it’s time to start shutting up the should-ers.

Tactics that work:

Talk over the bosser. They are used to me shutting up and listening. So now I just talk over them and continue what I was saying. It’s fantastic! They shut right up!
If they are one of those bossers that says, “Oh, you should do this, I did,” you just say, “Hey! This is MY experience! It’s ME who’s doing it. Why are you negating that?” It shuts them the fuck up.

In extreme cases, make the zipper motion a la Austin Powers. Respectfully say, “Just a moment, I’m not finished talking yet.” It works like magic.

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