Jesus Is On My Side!

Someone stuck signs all over local lampposts:

A big picture of Jesus looking all glowy and forgiving, and underneath, someone has written, “BUY LESS. LIVE MORE.”

I would like to kiss the person who put up those posters.

How Kevin Saved Christmas Eve.

When I got to The Fringe on Christmas Eve, there was a big problem. We had an extreme case of drunk Australians. They were fresh off the plane, jet lagged, and belligerent. But the girls were cute, so Tom, our zoo keeper for the evening, was being too lenient.

This situation was a difficult one to bear. We regulars wanted to hoist a glass and toast the absent, remember the year, and laugh, but we kept on being interrupted by a couple of the Aussies, brothers, who insisted on that kind of brawling/wrestling/ yowling at one another that signifies an excess of testosterone and alcohol.

These brothers then turned their attention to Kevin. He looks like a biker, except he’s not. Of course, our Aussie brothers only saw a bald guy with a lot of tattoos, and started calling him a lot of offensive names. They would not be distracted, like terriers after a rat. It was actually rather grotesque.

None of us had any roofies on us, and we were at a loss. We feared for Kevin’s sanity and the Aussies’ safety. But Kevin took the matter into his own hands.

He walked those belligerent brothers behind a building…and smoked them up with some of BC’s finest.

They were utterly incapacitated. Paralytic. Wasted. Nobody grows pot like BC does. I felt a surge of Provincial pride as I watched the Aussies twitch and mumble.

Christmas Eve went on as scheduled, and I even got a reprise in my role of Word’s Worst Cocktail Waitress. It was awesome.

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