MonkeyPants

First Contact Lenses.

I was so excited! My mom finally was going to let me have contact lenses. This was huge for me, because I was a small, pimply, greasy nerd and I somehow felt that the glasses were what was causing my chronic loserdom. Of course, now I know that it was, well, high school and the fact that I was a small, pimply, greasy nerd.

I sometimes wonder if my mom gave in because she thought I would be less bullied if I weren’t wearing glasses.

Whatever the case, we went down to Ted the Cran, who was our eye guy. (My brother and I gave the people in our lives nicknames a lot) Ted measured my eyes and then two weeks later, we went back, because he had my contacts.

I could see! It was wonderful! I had peripheral vision for the first time in a decade! Non-nerdiness, here I come! Social acceptability, hello!

Reality check: No one even noticed I had contact lenses.  I was still a skinny, pimply, greasy nerd. But now I could see my tormentors coming at me from the sides.