I don’t usually watch awards shows. They leave me cold. But since E has been working the past eleven days straight on the Junos, I thought I’d see the results of his handiwork.
Nickelback? Insisted on pyro even though they were first. That’s rude like making someone else carry your used tissues is rude. Plus, Chad whatshisface gives me hives. Even with his clean hair and sincere singer face on.
Who is Gord Downey singing with? The frontman looks like a math teacher. Where’s the rock’n’roll? Oops, wrong key for a second there! I caught that!
I am really glad Loverboy’s being inducted into the Hall of Fame. I love Loverboy. Who doesn’t, really? Those red leather pants are iconic! But wait, how did they get so old? And Mike Reno seems to have had some very satisfying meals! Oh, but the sixty year old in the evening dress across the aisle from them, making the ‘you rock’ sign? He just made me cry!
Also, this Russel Peters person. He is mildly amusing, but the punchline always seems to be that he’s brown. Hello, I am pink, more so in exertion. Can I host an awards show?
Hmm. This lead singer will probably regret his choice of what appear to be capri pants. Although, I must say I like their music.
I think Bryan Adams is doing the Geddy Lee thing and aging appealingly. He was -aah! He just broke off laughing! Yes, he is definitely getting cuter.
Urgh. Sam Roberts’s bandmate is sporting a terrible wanna-be-a-dictator ‘tache. And nobody in the band even bothered shaving. What’s with that? Oooh, but Dave Nugent is a very handsome young man.
Great Big Sea and Hawksley Workman are doing Gallows Pole. Scratch that. Butchering it. Where’s the melody? Oh. Wait. Maybe that’s it-oh, no. Too soon. And where’s the verse about the brother? There’s the melody. Okay. They definitely Great Big Sea-ed it. Yep. They Great Big Sea-ed the soul right out of it.
That was…an awards show. Now I’m going to go listen to some Led Zeppelin. Played by Led Zeppelin.