MonkeyPants

German Engineering (but not Precision).

Yesterday I was reamed out for my inability to bend space and time.

Here’s what Tanya wanted: The Volkswagen Golf from 20th and Commercial cleaned inside and out, and delivered to the alley under the Co-op at Granville and Pender at 8AM.

Here’s what happened: At 8:26 AM I get a call from one of the office staff, asking if I could go get the car, wash it, and bring it to 555 West Cordova. No time limit specified, or that I’m already (to Tanya’s mind) 26 minutes late.

At 10:06, the office staff person calls me again. I explain that I just drove by 555 Cordova and it was a construction zone, not a parking lot yet. I’d get the car there by noon. She says ok, and then says, I can put the car ‘in the alley’. There’s an alley behind 555 Cordova? Maybe she means alongside the train yard?

At 12:18 PM, I get an hysterical phone call from Tanya, who rants on for 5 minutes about how I’m late and was supposed to be in the alley under the Co-op at 8AM, and I was supposed to call her cell and… Well. A lot of improbable things. I explain the info I have received (including not having her phone number, a timeline, or the correct place to put the car) and that I will be on it ASAP. I’m in the car. She keeps talking. I explain that I’m not allowed to talk and drive, and can get there faster the sooner I hang up.

I hang up and book to Tremblay, and then downtown, sliding into the alley and punching Tanya’s number. She looks mad when she gets to the alley, but seems mollified that I’ve dusted and polished and vacuumed and washed.

Then I get a call from my boss, full of profuse apology.

“It’s ok,” I said. “We can’t bend space and time. Much.”

“We also can’t act on instructions we haven’t received,” he answered. Turns out HE didn’t get the email asking for the car til 9AM.

Sometimes, a situation just isn’t going to go right, no matter what.