MonkeyPants

Friday Family.

Ok, maybe there’s some friendly in it as well, but I need to relate this conversation, which, I think, shows my hilarious and dysfunctional family at its most charming.

On Wednesday, my dad and brother and I met for dinner. Dad seemed to have some need to tell us some stuff. Scott and I really hoped it wasn’t that he was ill. Our aunt is dying, Scott just had a divorce. We don’t need any more bad news.

It turns out, Dad has an express need to tell us several things, so he has made a list. I can see it out of the corner of my eye:

trip
Sheila
marriage
my remains
easier taxes

Ah, I think. That kind of conversation.

We get to the ‘my remains’ part of the conversation.

“This next item has to do with after I die. I want to be cremated…” He takes a deep breath. “I want to be cremated and then go to Halfmoon Bay. With your mother.”
“Of course. We assumed that,” says Scott.
“Yeah. Probably all of us will be,” I say. “Besides, now I know where to get a cheap urn in Chinatown.”
“Not me,” says Scott. “I’m going to be blasted into space.”
I say, “Oh, Good point. I’m going to be made into a diamond.”
“They can do that?” Scott asks, surprised.
“Yeah. Just a tiny one.”
“Cool. Can I get you embedded in my tooth?”
“Mmm. Because that’s not creepy at all.”