MonkeyPants

Dinner for Jim’s Mom.

Last night a bunch of us convened over at Jim’s house for dinner.  Jim has the most wonderful kitchen for cooking, and is a master barbecue artist, so with minimal fuss, Sandii, Simon, Jim and I were able to feed our friends steak, salmon with creamy dill sauce, rosemary-garlic mashed potatoes, Caesar salad, buns, dips and Pita, brie and pate. It was pretty damn good.

It’s just a pity that the guest of honour, Jim’s mom, was too tired to stay up for dinner. That’s because the REAL story  happened early yesterday morning.

About one-thirty in the morning, Jim was on the couch, thinking about taking his dog for a last walk around the block. Suddenly, the dog starts going mental, barking at the front door. Then the doorbell rings.

Jim opens the door to find a young man with pinpoint pupils on his front step, standing there completely naked!

The guy asks if he can borrow a cup of sugar. Jim tells him to get the hell off his porch and put some goddamn pants on.

The guy leaves.

Jim’s mom, a birdlike seventy-year-old from Old Ontario Money (waterfront Muskoka cottage with acreage, Easter in St. Bart’s) , comes down the stairs, bleary in her chenille bathrobe. Jim assures her that all is well. She goes back upstairs.

Shortly thereafter, Jim is walking the dog outside and sees a police car streak past. They’re obviously looking for the high, naked kid.

At 4:30AM, the doorbell rings again. Dog goes nuts.  Cursing, Jim stumbles to the door to find a young couple, dazed, again, both completely naked! They ask if he’s seen their friend. Jim says he’s probably at the police station, and that they should put clothes on. They thank him politely and leave.

Poor Jim’s mom, who probably thinks he lives in a crack zone, comes down again. He explains what’s happened and she goes back to bed. However, she’s understandably a little perturbed and doesn’t really go back to sleep.

By the time 7PM rolled around last night, she was done, as would be many 70-somethings.  But she had a good sampling of all the food for lunch and pronounced it all just lovely.

And no more tweaking, naked people have showed up at Jim’s,  so order reigns again. The whole episode will simply become a very good anecdote for the ladies in Jim’s mom’s bridge club.