Morgan’s Wedding Speech

Okay. Do you know how damned hard it is to write a meaningful wedding speech about someone that evades a) a very sordid past b) maudlin rambling, and yet conveys the depth to which you love this person?

I do. I just did it. But now I’m going to write what I wanted to write.

Oh, Morgan, God bless you for so many things.

For thinking, even before we’d met, “Hmm, she’s hot. Is she old enough?”
For talking to me at that dull party in that dank kitchen and distracting me from the fact that my boyfriend had dragged me there so he could get high with busty teenaged girls.
For saving my life. Shut up, you did.
For sharing my love of DH Lawrence on a dark mountaintop.
For pimping boys at me til I got on my feet again.
For not reminding me very often that a certain roommate of yours actually was a maggot-loving whiny bag of priviledged trash.
For the incredible drug stories from Japan:”I found this bag of pills, so I took three, to see what would happen.”
For your delight in telling the dead seagull story about our dads.
For your endless support and pushing me to believe in myself.
For referring to me as your writer friend.
For the knowledge that even though you were sleeping wth my rooommate, you stayed the night so that you and I could talk in the morning.
For introducing me to Sharon and Andreas and your Eric.
For letting me into your family.
For the phrase, “Spank the Patriarchy”
For your stories about your beautiful Korean boyfriend.
For being with me that time at Richmond Center when my ex saw us but didn’t say hi because I was with such a good looking young guy.
For kissing the girl with the bifurcated tongue and describing it to me so I didn’t have to wonder.
For understanding, when my mother died, that I was too depressed to go work out.
For when we did work out, making me laugh.
For teaching me to work my walk, and that hearing Billie Jean in my head was a prerequisite.
For looking better in my jean jacket than I do, you bum.
For explaining how you were going to set your sparkly disco ball butt plug on fire, because even though it was a wonderful butt plug, it was wrong to use it with a new girlfriend.
For turning into a deeply wonderful human being, one whom I am pleased and proud to count among my closest friends.
For having the good sense to marry a girl who has the good sense to marry you.

Good call.

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