Careers I Can’t Have.

I have had a number of ambitions in my life, many of which have not come to fruition.

When I was 18, I wanted to be the Pope. Even though my brother has even bought me underwear with a picture of the Virgin Mary on them, I was hindered in my ambition by the fact that I am a) not Catholic, and b) female. I know, I know, there have been possible female popes, but global communication has come to the point where I could not succeed in my ruse. I hear they now have that chair where a papal candidate has to sit and be felt up by some cardinals, to ensure that he has the requisite dangly bits. I could fake that by making a prosthetic with some latex. Maybe some kind of tubing? Anyway, I could do that bit, but I think, between the internet and such, it would quickly come to light that I was actually a female of indeterminate faith. No dice.

When I was about 21, I discovered PG Wodehouse. I was trudging through the house, some essay or other weighing heavily on my mind, when I happened to hear my mother belly-laughing in the TV room. Wandering in, I was entranced by the perfect, gentle, subtle portrayals by Stephen Frey (Jeeves) and Hugh Laurie (Wooster). I was hooked.

As a General Arts student, (I think I was taking History of Christianity and Scenery Painting, as well as some other stuff), I was naturally worried about my prospects for employment. Stephen Frey’s calming, faintly supercilious air called to me. I could be a Gentleman’s Personal Gentleman! Never mind that I was not a gentleman and didn’t know any, I knew I would excel at a career such as that.

Alas, it is no longer the 1930’s, and I am, again, no gentleman. Another ambition never realised the light of day.

However, should you need me to, I can raise my eyebrows and say “Indeed, Sir.” I can do it with several different inflections, as well.

2 Comments to “Careers I Can’t Have.”

  1. By Deb, January 15, 2006 @ 12:51 am

    I am currently in the market for a Personal Gentleman. That is, if I could afford you. I am also not a gentleman, but I LOVE the IDEA of having a butler.
    Look! I posted! Happy de-lurking week!

  2. By Liz, January 15, 2006 @ 10:01 pm

    As long as you don’t mind that your Personal Gentleman is a woman, no problem!

    Thanks for saying Hi.

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