Now I am in Trouble.

I went to a party at Morgan’s last night. A decade ago, that meant something a lot different, but these days, it means tremendous hors d’oeuvres from his amazing wife, free legal advice from a lot of lawyers, and Morgan mixing the (strong) drink of his choice, for all to consume. Last night it was Mai Tais. I always thought they’d taste of chewable aspirin, because of their colour, but it seems they mostly taste of alcohol.

Amidst the lawyers and Mai Tais was our old friend Lynsey. She was Morgan’s roommate a decade ago and has since become a highly succfessful wine rep. She rents a cheapish apartment on the East Side, and invests in wine. She is neither pretentious nor haughty. She simply loves wine. She drinks a lot of it, but since pretty much her entire lifestyle is a tax write-off, she has money to invest in wine.

Trouble is, she wants to educate my palate. This could become a problem, because I tasted some mighty fine wine last night. I want an educated palate, now. I want to be dedicated to wine. I want to say things like, “Of course, the Gewurstraminers from that region are red-clay wines,” and have people regard me with awe.

The problem is, I am not rich. And so I would need money to have this fine hobby, drinking good wine. So I will have to start:

a) selling E’s gear to make money and room for wine (“Honey, where’s my Martin?” “You never had a Martin. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”),

or b) Become a wildly bestselling author. The latter appeals because then I could also swan about in marabou-trimmed mules, drinking fine wine and speaking at conferences about ‘my craft’.

Actually, that sounds all right, come to think of it. But for now, I think I’m going to have to stick with cheap wine, a second bedroom full of guitars and amplifiers, and writing for fun, not profit.

4 Comments to “Now I am in Trouble.”

  1. By Beth, January 29, 2007 @ 11:26 pm

    I think you should practise some with the comment making even before you actually have the where-with-all to buy the good wine. Talk about the nose and the legs and the strawberry over-tones and everyone will still look on you with awe even if you don’t know what you’re talking about. No one else will know the difference now, will they?

  2. By Liz, January 30, 2007 @ 11:01 pm

    That’s a good idea, but I’m going to have to make comments only if away from my regular friends. They know I only drink cheap wine!

  3. By John, January 31, 2007 @ 12:21 am

    Yeah, but we’d nod and go “MmmHmmm…” as if not only did we KNOW what you were talking about, we’d AGREE with you.

    That’s what I do at work all the time, and I tell ya, it works like a speeoded squeatle.

  4. By Liz, February 1, 2007 @ 12:50 am

    John, I think our friends would figure out I was clueless. I also do bluff at work all the time (Mostly to get kids to do work) and no one has yet noticed that I’m not The Grand Mistress of Everything. But youse guys, you know me. You’d know I was faking, and I can’t be having with that.

    Bluffing is fine, but not randomly making stuff up to impress people that one knows and loves. That’s…just dumb.

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