Fireworks Redux: The Bests.
Best place to watch ‘em: The Maritime Museum. Families, and not knife-wielding thugs with their pants hanging off their butts.
Best Firework: The hearts, with all of Vancouver going, “oOooohhh!”
Best reason to use birth control: Woman my age arguing with eight-year old son. She’s trying to control his full-blown orangutan tantrum and shrieking, “I swear to God , you are pissing me right the fuck off!”
Best failed pickup: We see a guy in his fifties half-lying down, cradled in the lap of a younger guy. Look closer, older man has blood on his face. Us: Do you need us to call someone? Younger guy: No, we’re okay, thanks. Older guy: (quite drunk, attempting to leer) I really need…a woman. A good woman. Us: Okay, then. (We leave)
Best Crowd Control Move: Police ATV cruises right through the middle of a 50- kid gaggle of teenagers clogging the sidewalk and spilling out into traffic. The group scatters. One lone numbskull kid tries to get on the back of the ATV. Moron. Follow-up officers on foot scare him away.
Best random observation: No garbage left on the beach. Not a scrap. Garbage teamsters, eat your hearts out.