My ex finally got around to contacting me on Facebook.

Situations like this, as well as macaroni salad and threequels, are why the expression ‘meh’ came into English speakers’ vocabularies.

Yes, I was one of the best friends he ever had, but I’m done there. He’d like to bury the hatchet? What hatchet? We’re not feuding. I decided I didn’t need him anymore. The way you don’t need a boyfriend with a substance abuse problem. The way you don’t need a boyfriend so insecure that he actually thinks about what song should be playing on the car stereo when you pull up at a party.

His message is well-crafted, but I know him of old. I can see his thought processes in the message, and I just don’t share his sentiments. His Facebook profile suggests that his deep-seated insecurities are not resolved, which in turn suggests that the up-and-down cycle of his life hasn’t stabilized. Um, no thank you. I have had enough helpings of that drama, thanks.

Sorry, dude. I was your stability for almost a decade. If you haven’t got the hang of it by now, I’m just not there for you.

7 Comments to “Exed.”

  1. By rachel, November 26, 2007 @ 4:09 pm

    You just inspired me to look up my evil ex. Not there. Didn’t think he would be—Facebook would not be his kind of thing—but it would be so hideous to get any kind of message from him that I just had to be sure.

  2. By Liz, November 26, 2007 @ 10:55 pm

    I’m feeling pretty creeped out, actually.

    I thought he would have found the Next Big Thing and moved on by now.

  3. By cheesefairy, November 27, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    Good for you for telling him to piss off. (I am assuming you did…) He must have forgotten how well you knew him.

  4. By Zen Render, November 27, 2007 @ 10:40 am

    I got poked (for those of us who’ve managed to avoid FB: that’s the equivalent of a nudge and a “Hey, come see my profile, ‘cause I’m letting you see,”) by my ultra-evil ex-girlfriend, and I sorta panicked.

    Blocked her from seeing/contacting me on FB any more, and added a block for the second party in that breakup. Sat at home for an evening feeling ill.

    Then I remembered my last words to her, about 13yrs ago (on the phone, but I hadn’t planned it, so I figure I get bonus points):

    “Why won’t you come see me, I got all dressed up to go out tonight.”
    “It’s about time you realized there’s someone more important in my life than you.”
    “Really? Who is it?”

    When the 2nd party contacted me (a message with a “Hey, call me” and a phone number), I thought about sending back a simple “Same question as 13 years ago: What’s in it for ME?”

    Glad you already know the answer.

  5. By Liz, November 27, 2007 @ 1:29 pm

    Cheesefairy, one of the reasons we were together so long is that I was sometimes the only person who could navigate the wild and convoluted recesses of his mind. I put up signposts for myself in case I came that way again, and those helped me a bunch of times.

    Zen, not as dramatic as you, but I sent a pleasant and indifferent message addressing each of his points in turn.

    Inner Cynic says, “Hmm, thirty six and single? Maybe he wants to see if you’ll fall for his ‘I’m a changed man’ schtick again.” But I didn’t let her write the message.

  6. By stephanie, November 27, 2007 @ 3:13 pm

    None of my exes ever contact me. I wonder what I would do if they did. Hmmm.

  7. By Liz, November 28, 2007 @ 1:38 am

    Stephanie, you’re probably happier not knowing. I was.

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