News Flash: I Am Not For Sale.

So last night, Kat and I went down to the Yale to see her dad play. While that might seem lame as hell, her dad plays New Orleans style blues and Zydeco music, which overpowers the dad factor by about plus one million.

We danced our butts off and had a great time, but I did have a wakeup call. I was dancing with this one guy. He was fifty years old, and looked like money. We got to talking and I mentioned E. That brought everything to a grinding halt.

“You have a boyfriend?”

“Of course I have a boyfriend! Look at me!” Admittedly, I could have been less of an asshole at this point, but he looked so surprised it just kind of slipped out.

“Well, where is he?”

“He’s at home, He worked all day.”

And then the guy threw a strop and left angry.

There are so many reasons why this is wrong. First, grown men shouldn’t get into little pissy fits. But the fact that I had a boyfriend was what set him off? That pissed me off. Did he think he could buy me for the evening, that I was going to follow him home for the price of some wine? Unbelievable.

Also, why did he assume that because I was out dancing, I was single? Should I have been home darning E’s socks? That is some fucked up thinking. Because I was out in public unaccompanied, he considered me fair game.

And that’s what I was. Game. I was out at a bar, dancing. Therefore I would sleep with him if he figured out how to make that happen.

I’d like to think that this is an isolated incident with an isolated guy. But I know it’s not, and even on the brink of 2008, there are actually people who see me as a commodity, and believe that I shouldn’t be let into the filly pool because I should be Home With My Man, and not out there tempting guys into salacious thoughts.

I will keep fighting, but I grow weary.

10 Comments to “News Flash: I Am Not For Sale.”

  1. By sarah, December 17, 2007 @ 5:42 am

    Thank you for this. I did not get the previous memo either. Nobody told me that since I am married with children I should no longer dance. Damn.

  2. By stephanie, December 17, 2007 @ 9:04 am

    Married girls/Committed Girls unite! We’ll have a dance off! Any guy who comes our way, we punch them in the face.

  3. By Liz, December 17, 2007 @ 10:32 am

    I am not sure what they want, Sarah. Possibly, we may be allowed to dance in a carefully segregated area, so as not to be confused with, the uncommitted dancers. Maybe we’d have to have a different curfew, to accommodate our mens’ and childrens’ needs.

    Stephanie, I say yes to a dance off! But I’d hold off on punching them in the face until we determine whether or not they’re there to treat us like possessions or not. I know, I know, too moderate. I can’t help it.

  4. By Arwen, December 17, 2007 @ 1:43 pm

    I must admit that I have read the “look at me!” statement several times over, and am (still) not sure what you meant when you said it? My first read was that you were insulting yourself; that you were dressed in an ‘off-the-market’ manner, or something, but then you wouldn’t construe yourself an ass.
    Too hot to be single?... In the context of commodification, are you embiggening with sarcasm?

    Otherwise – Dance, Mama, Dance!

  5. By Liz, December 17, 2007 @ 8:50 pm

    Arwen, I thought I looked like someone who was not looking to pick up. But I guess it’s open to a lot of interpretations.

  6. By cheesefairy, December 18, 2007 @ 6:42 am

    I read it as “I’m super hot, how could I not have been snatched up by now?”

    A simple system of wristbands at the clubs could help us avoid this kind of confrontation. Maybe they could be those charitable cause bracelets – then we could raise money for starving puppies while we advertise ourselves Accurately and not in a Misleading Fashion so that lonely gentlemen don’t waste their time talking to us.

  7. By rachel, December 18, 2007 @ 8:50 am

    [inarticulate foaming at mouth. I really would like to say something, but it’s all coming out so vile!]

  8. By Liz, December 18, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    Cheesefairy, there’s an idea. Accurate and charitable. Plus, it has Victorian overtones of The Good Woman Helping The Deserving Poor! What could be further from Nightclub Slut?

    Rachel, I was pretty stunned at first, but it’s all coming out as just part of a bigger picture. A friend of min suggested I simply wear a ring that looked like a wedding ring the next time I go dancing, but I fear that will only draw the “Oh, look, a horny housewife” guys.


  9. By Pam, December 19, 2007 @ 5:27 pm

    If you’re way under 50, your “I’m on a night out” vibe you gave out could be construed by someone as an “I’m single and into you” vibe, particularly if their dating moves are, well, out of date.

    Reminds me of a S&tC episode…

    Hey, it’s legal for women to venture out unescorted? 😉

  10. By Liz, December 20, 2007 @ 12:15 am

    I’m 15 years under 50, so maybe a 50-year-old would misconstrue that as ‘I’m single and into you”. Especially if my “Get your hands off me” movements were interpreted as “I am playing hard to get”.


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