I’m an Adult.

I called COIT carpet cleaners.

My thought process was something like this:

April: Hmm, I need to get one of those machines you can get at Safeway. That’s, what, sixty bucks? I need to clean these carpets. It’ll only take about four hours to do it right.

May: Ew, these carpets are gross if looked at in strong light. But first, I need to pay my Student Loans. Oh, Hell, I forgot to buy groceries. OK, maybe later.

June: I’ll do it as soon as I have extra money and time.

July: I’ll do it as soon as I have extra money.

August: This is disgusting. I’ll do it in September, when I can budget for it.

September: with a >whoosh< soundtrack I don’t have time!

October: I’m tirty-three fricking years old. I can hire some professionals to come in. (calls COIT) The guy comes within the hour to tell me how much, and what they’d like to do.

Me: (Opens door) Sorry about the mess.

COIT Guy: It’s nothing. (Lots of spiel about how professional services remove, like 90% of the crap in the carpets, blah, blah.) I realize how good this sounds and make a mental note to get out and have more fun. Then: “Do you have any areas where there were Incidents?”

Me: Uhm…(pointing to coin-sized areas on the floor) Here’s a spaghetti sauce Incident. Here was a red wine Incident. This is an Incident that involved soy sauce and a sudden cat on the lap. (Belatedly, I wonder if he means, like, incident incidents, you know, like a Frat Boy vomited 3 litres of stomach acids and beer on my floor. But COIT guy seems happy with my explanantion.)

CG: How did you find out about us?

Me: Well, my dad was getting his carpets done, so he gave me the number. But a long time ago, when I was working at a marine fuel station, I served the boss of the company when he was out on a boating holiday. We got to talking, ‘cause I told him I’d seen vans that said COIT on them around Vancouver. So you’re the guys I know for this kind of thing. (I am such a nerd!)

CG: Then you know it’s a local company.

He mentions that they’d do the bedroom for free. It doesn’t get a lot of foot traffic, but what the hell, I’ll say yes.

I ask how long it will take.

Coit Guy: (appraisingly) About an hour.


Bottom line: I’ve arrived. People will come to my house early in November, for about an hour. My carpets will be the spotless light Oatmeal colour I can kind of remember.

Now, I’m going to go have some Metamucil and castigate hooligans in the spirit of my new adulthood.

3 Comments to “I’m an Adult.”

  1. By sarah, October 20, 2005 @ 5:31 am

    I was totally going to congratulate you on your adulthood until I noticed that you were up past midnight writing about how grown up you are.

    You’re still a kid with soon to be very clean carpets.

  2. By Saint Aardvark, October 20, 2005 @ 7:54 am

    Metamucil? Bah! They don’t make it as good as they used to.

  3. By Zen, October 20, 2005 @ 11:53 pm

    You left out the most important thing for the discerning elderly person:

    How much do they want for their new-fangled vortexinary actvities?

    Hooligans, (waves hand)... Baaah!

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