Baby Shower

I am not good at buying baby stuff for baby showers. My breathing goes shallow and it’s like all the tiny, heavily gendered clothing is pressing in on me leaping into my field of vision with its little “Mommy Loves Me” and “Baby Cutie” and “Little Princess!”. So, luckily, when I went to buy some little clothing, Em was at the store. Baby clothes don’t scare her, so she made all my choices and even let me use her employee discount. Then she used her mad wrapping skills to make it all pretty and stuff. Score!

But then I had to actually GO to the baby shower. I’m not good at that either. I generally try to be useful in the kitchen, because if I’m being useful, I don’t feel uncomfortable about all the little clothes and the cooing and stuff that happens at these events.

But the women hosting the shower are a powerful force, and there was nothing to do in the kitchen. So I adopted a strategy I like to call “Eating a lot and nodding enthusiastically” in the hopes that no one would ask me something like when I was going to have one, or, why aren’t I married yet, or, anything, really.I’m just not good at this stuff.

Morgan was allowed to flee, on account of he has a penis. But he fled slowly, with a few passes through the dining room for lox-and-cream cheese mini bagels, potato latkes, cookies, cupcakes, fruit salad, cucumber sandwiches, cream-cheese-and-pepper-jelly rollups and three kinds of cake.. This picture was taken as he was poised, ready to run like a deer at the first signs of delighted female squealing.

9 Comments to “Baby Shower”

  1. By stephanie, January 13, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

    Baby showers are scary places. Actually, baby aisles at Target are scary places.

    PS - “Morgan Fleeing the Baby Shower” is my new favorite photo of all time.

  2. By Liz, January 13, 2008 @ 9:31 pm

    Heh, thanks! I wish it had turned out better, but I don’t think there was any way to catch the way his eyes were darting back and forth.

  3. By cheesefairy, January 13, 2008 @ 9:51 pm

    I think I find baby showers even more excruciating than actual labour.

  4. By elswhere, January 13, 2008 @ 9:52 pm

    Yah. I like babies a lot. I mean, I work with them and I even got to parent one (though it was nice to be able to skip the pregnancy and labor part).

    But baby showers…well, no. Not so much.

  5. By cheesefairy, January 13, 2008 @ 9:53 pm which I mean baby-birthing labour, not construction work. If I were skilled enough I think I would enjoy construction work.

  6. By Beth, January 13, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

    Did they make her wear a hat made up of the bows from the gifts? Or does that just happen at bridal showers? It’s a stupid game either way.

  7. By Liz, January 13, 2008 @ 10:04 pm

    Cheesefairy, I knew what kind of labour you were talking about. I concur that you probably would enjoy construction work.

    Els, I like babies okay as well. But baby showers are…I won’t say Hell, but they’re very uncomfortable for me. It’s something about how we’re all expected to Bond As Women, and that tiny pants can somehow make that happen.

    Beth, I think the hat is usually bridal showers (also uncomfortable for me), but we did have to cut yarn and guess the circumference of the expectant mother’s waist. Oh, and stuff balloons up our shirts to look pregnant.

  8. By Arwen, January 17, 2008 @ 10:39 am

    Stuff balloons up shirt to look pregnant. Hmm. I remember teenage boys stuffing balloons up their shirt to look like Dolly Parton.
    Remember when Dolly == Breasts? Poor Dolly.

  9. By Liz, January 17, 2008 @ 10:34 pm

    Poor Dolly’s back muscles.

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