First Time I Realized I Am A Viking Throwback.

I was trying clothes on on my mom’s bed for some reason. I think it was the end-stages of the long and dreary hand-me-down sartorial slog that was my clothed life. From the time I was a baby, I got my mom’s friends’ daughter’s hand-me-downs. But I think we had just had another tense mother-daughter time where I tried on someone’s castoff navy blue polyester pleated dress slacks (I hate slacks. Bury me in jeans, people. Jeans. ) and I was feeling discouraged.

Mom went to her closet and grabbed her wedding dress.

It was beautiful: A simple, ivory wool sleeveless dress to just below the knee, with a little shrug jacket to go over it. Timeless. Perfect. Very Audrey Hepburn.

“Hey, try this on,” Mom said. I probably rolled my eyes, but I complied.

It was like a mastiff trying to fit into a poodle coat. My shoulders strained the seams, my boobs didn’t fill the chest area, and Mom couldn’t do up the back of the dress.

I looked at myself in the mirror, hair afrizz from clothes coming on and off, face red from resentment and embarassment, and I saw this miserable valkyrie where my mom was expecting a sylph.

Evidently, I had more of the Viking heritage than my tiny, bosomy mother. I  felt sad that I couldn’t fit into her dress, the way she obviously wanted me to, but I also felt a little proud.  Hey, look at that.  Built for working hard. Endurance. Fighting alongside my man.

Of course, looking back on it, I was more English Setter than Mastiff. I wasn’t exactly hulking.

I just wasn’t my mom. I think that was weird for both of us.

6 Comments to “First Time I Realized I Am A Viking Throwback.”

  1. By John, November 29, 2008 @ 1:24 am

    There’s only one question to ask after a post like that:

    Which would you rather ride into battle?

    – Polar Bear – G-...

    Yeah, no. You get a polar bear. Maybe two of ‘em, one for each foot, and you’d ride ‘em like rollerskates.

  2. By Liz, November 29, 2008 @ 1:31 am

    Yes, except polar bears are solitary by nature. I am not strapping two of them on and then hoping for the best.

    If it comes to what to ride int battle, a polar bear wins. Going tandem? Huskies. Maybe Akitas.

  3. By Liz, November 29, 2008 @ 1:32 am

    Also, get Arwen to check her mail in 5 mins.

  4. By rachel, November 29, 2008 @ 10:06 am

    Your mom must have been tiny!
    My sister Becca looms over me, so I tend to think of myself as small, but then I get out in the real world and I tower over most women.
    But I think I would want a steppe pony in battle, and a Scythian bow.

  5. By Liz, November 29, 2008 @ 5:13 pm

    Okay, clearly, Rachel has thought out her battle plan better than the rest of us.

  6. By Arwen, November 30, 2008 @ 1:01 pm

    I want a motorized armour-plated mech and a rail gun. Pwned!

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