“Light” Cheese.

I have finally found a kind of cheese I don’t like.

It is ‘light’ cheddar, and it tastes of ass. Unholy ass. Ass of the very assiest nature of ass. Ass that has been farted on by cows, type of ass.

I bought it by accident. E tried to put some in a sandwich and said it tasted funny, so we examined the package, and, lo, I had committed the heinous act of buying light cheese.

This morning, I figured it would be fine melted.

Ha Ha! Joke’s on me! It melts the same way plastic does, becoming all puckered, with an unhealthy sheen. Quite frankly, I’m afraid to eat any more of it, but can’t think of what else to do with it. Doorstop? Stepping stool? Bookend?

7 Comments to ““Light” Cheese.”

  1. By Arwen, November 28, 2006 @ 5:17 pm

    I grew up with my Dad insistent on the healthful properties of light cheese. I know whereof you speak regarding the puckering. It’s very, very weird.

    I suppose, should it happen that my doctor forbids cheese with all the fat, that I would choose tiny amounts of full fat cheese rather than regular servings of light cheese. Or perhaps, no cheese whatsoever. (Perish the thought).

  2. By Gecko Bloggle, November 28, 2006 @ 7:15 pm

    First time I read through this, I read it as “Ass that had been farted on my CLOWNS.” Awesome.

  3. By Liz, November 28, 2006 @ 10:35 pm

    Maybe we should send the ‘cheese’ to your dad? I’d choose tiny amounts of full fat cheese.

    Also, clowns, Mr. Bloggle? I think there must be a fetish for that, but it’s not mine.

  4. By Deb, November 29, 2006 @ 12:24 am

    Yeah, “light” cheese doesn’t melt. I sorta “separates”....blech.

  5. By cheesefairy, November 29, 2006 @ 10:36 am

    mail it to pomodoro’s toronto landlord?
    (except I know from experience that it doesn’t rot at the same rate as real cheese.)

    there are circles of cheese hell. the lowest is soy cheese. lite is right above it.

  6. By Arwen, November 30, 2006 @ 10:40 am


    Okay. Whew. Tantrum over. You touched some hippie trauma there, Cheesefairy.

    Hey, I even like soy. When being soy, and not disguised as a dairy item.

  7. By Liz, November 30, 2006 @ 1:45 pm

    Ker-Ching! Cheesefairy, Pomo’s Toronto landlord deserves this cheese.

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