Found this in the comments for the Slashdot story about SHA-0 Broken
Yep — that’s right. I’m not a crypto expert. Hell — I’m a layman compared to most /.’ers, and my user number proves it (all 7 embarrassing digits of it). But I do know this — if Slashdot crypto geeks are concerned about it, then we’ve reached the point of…
Yes, it’s true. Every person with encrypted data on Earth will soon have to carry around a Level 10 Anthromorphic Hexidecimal Midget Encryption System. Or “Midget Key” for short. The midget will become part of every computer purchase where the user requires high encryption, secured communications, etc. Families without sufficient room to accommodate and feed the midget will have to run computers with the old and vulnerable encryption technologies.
Meanwhile, those of us with a Midget Key will need to have his/her encryption midget with us at all times. The midget will encrypt data locally by locking a portable hard drive to his/her wrist and preventing anyone OTHER THAN THE OWNER of said local data from accessing it again. To facilitate this local midget encryption, each encryption midget will be equipped with:
– body armor
– handgun
– lightweight sub-machine gun
– tactical nuclear or convential explosive self destruct device
Addtionally, each encryption midget will be required to communicate with all other encryption midgets around the world using special genetically encoded phones that cannot be replicated outside of the midget gene pool. The phone will be surgically embedded in the arm of each encryption midget and require a drop of said midget’s body temperature saliva to activate the phone (a.k.a. spit on the arm to make the call).
Why encryption midgets? They’re:
– portable
– eat less than an encryption giant and/or an encryption obese person
– tough as nails
Why tough as nails? If you’ve watched The Amazing Race at all this season on CBS, you have witnessed a midget drag her whiney, lazy cousin around the world. She has become the envy of other teams featuring health nuts, ex-Marines, and super-Christians. Who wouldn’t entrust their data with a badass little person that can grab a live electrified cattle fence somewhere in South America, cuss about it, and STILL manage to continue the race?
Get me THAT encryption midget, and you’ll never get a hold of MY data!
[Note — if the midget from the show mentioned above has been eliminated from said show, then our data is doomed. I’ve missed the last several episodes, so all may be lost.]
