MonkeyPants

Foodies in the Suburbs.

Today is our sixth anniversary. We’d been celebrating it on the 25th, but Johnny Miller, who had the partry where our first actual date took place, informed us that it was the actual 26th. Thanks, Johnny.

I started the day at the Christmas Bazaar at Em’s mom’s old church in PoCo. I got almost all my Christmas baking done in 15 minutes. Oh, and I got a pie. It’s our anniversary, right? Pie is good for anniversaries.

Em’s mom treated us to bizarre bazaar food. Man, I could really, really tell I was in a suburban Christian church.

We started off with the soup course, which appeared to be a hearty Minestrone featuring ground beef and tomato skin. Lovingly cooked for hours, the pearl barley was definitely too mushy to mutiny. (I didn’t get this. I just stayed very still while our septugenarian waitress brought it, and she didn’t get me any. See, God listens.)

The main course was a choice. We could choose either a delicate medley of egg, Miracle Whip, and salt, gently shaved canned ham, or lovingly decanted canned salmon. Naturally, we got the choice of a very health-conscious generic brown bread, or the always palatable Wonder Bread. The Save-On brand margarine teased lovingly at the tastebuds with every bite. All sandwiches were thoughtfully prepared beforehand and left to blend flavours while waiting to be so eagerly consumed. The bread, in the time-honoured Tuscan manner, had that slightly gritty edge that suggests it has been out on the counter for awhile.

Dessert was also a choice. There were cherry or lemon tarts. My lemon tart was a symphony of flavour, a dollop of Shirriff Lemon Meringe mix perching pertly in a pre-form Tenderflake tart shell. The topping, a spoonful of off-center Dream Whip, completed the meal.

It was really an experience that will stick with me for a long time to come.